


This totally ruins spring

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: & also Doug’s top energy, F/F, Melissa is kind of a simp, Sam kind of said wingman energy, We love some mutual pining, bro idk I have a crush on Doug I’d let them arrest me, but just in a really bad way, so uuu just a little bit of sexual tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Unfortunately, CCRP is the victim of a robbery, and unfortunately, Melissa is the prime suspect, and unfortunately for all her friends trying to defend her, Melissa is in no rush to get away from the pretty cop arresting her
Relationships: Doug/ Melissa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	This totally ruins spring

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a little disclaimer me & ourfandomcrazyuniverse were chatting about Doug and Melissa and we had some petty similar ideas we had come up with before discussing them and we both hadn’t a similar idea to this in mind and we just wanted to make a note that this wasn’t copying it was just a hivemind moment lmao

“Hey uh, what the hell?” Ted’s voice was first to break the office’s drowsy morning silence, followed shortly by him storming over to Mr Davidson’s office, but when he went to grab the door handle, Mr Davidson swung it open from the other side and the two crashed into each other. 

Melissa would’ve laughed if the two of them didn’t look so distressed. 

“Did you move the petty cash draw?” Ted asked first. 

“No, but someone’s been in my office!” He growled. “Someone’s moved my things, my laptop is missing! It’s like the whole office has been ravaged!” 

“Hey,” another voice spoke up, “Yeah, I kept my cheque book here and it’s gone!” 

Melissa was paying more attention now, her head darting to the side as Paul came up from his hallway, Charlotte and Bill by his side, the trio of them looked frantic. “Uh, Mr Davidson? Did someone do something with those hard drives?” He chuckled anxiously. 

“They’ve all gone missing from our office, and my ear piece is gone too,” Bill frowned. 

Melissa took an absent sip of her peach iced tea. Today was supposed to be a nice spring morning, she didn’t want to be going on a treasure hunt for her office supplies. With a quick glance at her desk though she realised nothing was missing. 

Not that she had much that could be moved, her computer was pretty heavy duty and her stationary was all still in order. She began reordering her pens and notepads anyways just to be sure. 

“Do you think there’s been a robbery?” Charlotte finally suggested. 

“Huh?” Melissa nearly knocked her iced tea off the table and she spun around in her chair. “no way, right? Maybe someone’s just moved our things,” she suggested. Uh oh. 

“No, no, I’ll call Sam, he’ll come faster!” Charlotte began, hurrying to the centre of the office so everyone could see she was handling it. 

Melissa watched everyone else rifle through their things to start taking note of what was missing. A robbery? Really? She just wanted to enjoy the first day of spring in peace. She had woken up to the sun already up, and she could smell the blossoms outside her window. She had even chosen an outfit to coordinate with the flowers by her apartment, a nice white button up with a pink sweater vest, and her favourite pink skirt, it even had layers and when the spring breeze caught it it made her feel light. She had walked down to the shops to buy snacks and iced tea for the day and just take in the sunlight, it was supposed to be a great start to spring, but soon there would be a squad of officers in the building! 

She stood up from her desk, she wanted to see what Mr Davidson’s office was like. She couldn’t sit down anyways. This wasn’t good. She stepped out slowly from behind her desk, she didn’t want anyone staring at her right now. She slipped over to Mr Davidson’s side, trying to peer into his office. 

“You’re looking a bit pale, Melissa,” he commented. “Has something been stolen from you too?” 

“Uh,” she smacked a hand to her forehead to try and help her brain process what to say. “Can I look in your office?” She asked instead. She didn’t know, maybe he just hadn’t looked properly. There was no way there had been a robbery, right? She had an awful, awful feeling about this as her boss stepped aside to let her look in. 

Things were definitely missing. Papers were scattered all over the floor, things torn from their cables, all sort of little trinkets missing. 

She gulped, reaching out to touch the space where Mr Davidson’s computer monitor used to be, but a voice interrupted her. 

“Hey,” it said, and Melissa turned on her heels, hand frozen in the air to face the officer in the doorway. “This is a crime scene, you know. What’re you doing in here?”

She was fairly sure Doug was their name if she had heard correctly from Charlotte.   
Charlotte spoke about Doug a fair bit, they were the nicer cop compared to Sam apparently.

Doug was leaning up against the doorway, their face resting in a sort of half smirk. “Don’t touch anything or you’ll get prints everywhere,” they tilted their head out to the office. “Do me a favour and go wait at your desk for me, okay?”

Melissa’s knees were starting to feel a little weak, but she obeyed, ducking under Doug’s arm. She did not want to go to jail for tampering with a crime scene. 

“Thanks, you’re a real help,” Doug added with a light pat on her back as she hurried back to her desk. All she could do now was sip her tea and wait.

“Oh Sam, thank you for coming so quickly!” Charlotte hung on to her husband’s side but he shook her off to free his hand.

Mr Davidson didn’t look very approving, he was never big on how Sam treated Charlotte, and Melissa wasn’t either. Sam was totally ruining spring. 

At least however, where Sam went his squad did too, and Melissa couldn’t help but stare at Doug, really. 

They were going around collecting statements from everyone, giving Charlotte a little pat on the back even when she started getting worked up. 

She rolled her chair in as Doug glanced her way before making their way over. “Anything of yours missing, miss?” 

She could barely speak, but twitched her head side to side to say no. 

“And what time did you get to work today?” They were scratching down notes. 

“Half past eight,” she gulped. “I like your hair,” she had to add, albeit anxiously.

Doug chuckled, “and did you see anything suspicious at all? Open doors? Any lights on?” 

She shook her head, taking a sip of her drink for her dry throat. “No. Everything was just as I left it when I closed up,” she was beginning to stammer. The pretty cop was one reason, but there was something else...she wasn’t telling the whole truth. 

Doug nodded, staring at Melissa for a second with a half-smirk as they leant over her desk. “What’re you so anxious for?” 

Melissa grabbed a lock of her hair to play with it, twirling it around her finger. “No reason,” was all she could say. That sounded pretty suspicious. “Everything is fine. I just- I get anxious around police.” 

“No need to if you haven’t done anything wrong though, right?” They leant in closer and Melissa leant back, swallowing hard, trying to keep her eyes on the floor. 

“Oh, yeah. Of course, duh.”

Doug leant back, she couldn’t see through their shades but she could feel them staring, that look still on their face. One of Doug’s hands pressed down on the radio on their shoulder. “Hey chief? 10-66 over here.” She didn’t know what that meant but Doug was still looking at them as they left. 

“Oh, it was nice to meet you!” She managed to stammer.

Sam was busy with Mr Davidson, not really too keen on the earful he was getting from him. ‘My computer was stolen, and by the way, stop emotionally neglecting your wife!’ sort of spiel. 

“We need a list of people who have keys to the building, we haven’t found any signs of forced entry yet,” Sam cut him off mid-ramble. 

“Just me, my wife and my personal assistant. She’s in charge of opening and locking up.” 

“And did she report anything strange when she came in this morning?” Sam asked. 

“No,” he leant to one side to catch her attention only to find he already had it. “Melissa, what did you notice this morning?” 

“Uh, nothing,” she wiped her lips of her tea. “Nothing of mine is missing. I didn’t know anything was up until Ted said there was money missing.” 

“How much money?” Sam asked. 

“Uh, about four hundred and seventy dollars I think,” if memory served her correctly. 

Sam glanced down at his notes and grunted something to Rob and Doug who then looked up at her before dispersing to go finish more interviews. 

“And do you have any security cameras?” Sam asked Mr Davidson next. 

“Yes, but the footage has been deleted,” he frowned, his nails scratching at his stubble. 

“And who has access to the security footage?”

“Well, aside from the IT department, just me and my assistant.” 

Melissa opened up her top draw just to confirm nothing was missing, not that she had anything valuable to steal unless the thief was really into her collectable Kirby figurines. Oh. This was not good. It definitely wasn’t turning in her favour either. 

And that was when the anxious chatter and noise broke for one voice, Sam. He cleared his throat, waving his hands to shoo people from the centre of the office. He brought his shades down, his eyes flickering to Doug for only a second. “Melissa, you’re under arrest for suspicion of burglary.” Almost immediately after, Rob spun her office chair away from her desk to pull her out of her chair and push her over to the wall. 

“Huh?” 

The whole office mimicked that sentiment. 

“Melissa, really?” Ted pushed past the crowd to stand by Sam, giving him a grimace. “Melissa wouldn’t steal. You know that!” He elbowed him. “Take your hands off her, man!” He snapped at Rob. 

“Hey, I’m sorry,” surely she had heard that wrong. “I’m what?” Shoot. Uh oh. This was no good. “Wait, I didn’t-“

“She’s the only one with access to the office, and Mr Davidson wouldn’t have a motive to steal from his own company. She knew exactly how much was taken from the petty cash draw too,” Sam explained like it was a run of the mill event. 

“Yeah, because I work here! That’s all! I didn’t take it!” 

“Well she doesn’t have a motive!” Paul stammered, his eyes not sure where to look. “Melissa would never do something like this! That’s not like her!”

“Hey, we cant just overlook her because she’s young. Teenagers can be pretty dangerous these days,” Sam huffed. 

“Teenager? I’m twenty five!” Melissa tried to interject but anytime she raised her voice Rob would jostle her. 

“Listen, do you have anyone to vouch for your alibi? Where were you last night?” Doug took the lead instead. 

“I was at home with my cat,” she promised. “I don’t know what this is about,” she couldn’t stop her voice cracking. She wasn’t a good liar. 

“Well unless your cat can start talking, you don’t have a witness.” Sam cracked his knuckles, some sort of grin on his face.

“Melissa, just tell them you didn’t do it,” Mr Davidson leant against the doorframe of his office, and the whole room waited for an answer.

“Uh,” she couldn’t. “I-“

“Alright,” Sam didn’t wait any longer, clapping his hands together. “Time to search her.”

“Hey! No you won’t,” Ted stuck a hand out to stop him, and even Mr Davidson glared. Not only was Sam gross, but he was also rough. 

Melissa scratched her face to try and hide the redness in her cheeks. Being arrested in front of the whole office, that was new. “This totally ruins spring,” she had to repeat. That was until Doug cleared their throat. 

“Clear the scene, okay? We’re working here!” They barked at the crowd of onlookers who flooded off to different floors and the breakout space and behind cubicles until only Mr Davidson, Charlotte, Paul and Ted remained. “And move out of the way, Sam, I’ll do the search.” And now Melissa was red for a different reason.

“Hey, Melissa didn’t do anything,” Paul tried again, but his voice wasn’t powerful enough to phase the officers at all. “She wouldn’t. Tell them, Melissa.”

“Hands above your head and up against the wall, ” Doug sighed. Maybe they were sad about spring being ruined, too. 

“Oh come on. Don’t you think this is kind of extra?” Ted growled as Melissa locked her arms above her head and leant up against the wall. She was starting to sweat. Could she go to jail for what she did? She didn’t know, and that’s why decided to keep her mouth shut instead. 

It felt weird to have her back turned, she wasn’t sure what she was expecting, not like she thought the officers were going to shoot her while she had her eyes off them. 

“This is bullshit, Melissa, say something,”  
Ted tried again. 

“I-“ she was cut short by Doug’s hand running through her hair, and suddenly Melissa wasn’t in a rush to stop this. 

Doug collected her hair in one hand, brushing it over her shoulder. It sent shivers down her spine. 

“Okay. Come on, that’s enough. Cut this out,” Ted went to take a step forward but she cleared her throat to stop him. 

“No, no Ted. You can’t just stop a police check, that’s suspicious,” she told him, leaning into Doug’s touch as their nails combed through her hair.

Their hands smoothed over her shoulders and under her arms, pressing the fabric of her blouse to her skin to feel for anything underneath. It was sort of like a massage. Maybe she was just touch starved, but she just didn’t have any qualms with this, especially not with Doug’s hands running down her back and pressing into her shoulder blades. She was halfway through thinking she could be pat down all afternoon when Doug’s hands ran across her sides and she couldn’t help put double over with a laugh, even if she was anxious.

“Miss?” Their hands came to a firm rest on her hips. “Stay up against the wall for me, will you?” They could hear the smirk in Doug’s voice.

“Sorry, I’m kind of ticklish,” she bit down on her lip so she wouldn’t do that again. 

“Well I’m glad you’re having a good time,” they snorted, two fingers slipping into the waistband of Melissa’s skirt before patting down the side of her hips. “Just hold still for me. Any quick movements and my trigger happy chief will shoot you in the head.” 

“Oh! Not comforting!” She tensed up in an attempt to keep still, not only wanting to obey the officer, but she was also quite the fan of not being shot in the head. 

“Sam!” Charlotte gave a worried chide. “You won’t hurt Melissa, will you?” 

“Hey. As long as she doesn’t try pull anything on me,” he grunted as if he would willingly shoot Melissa down if he felt threatened. 

“Melissa isn’t a criminal, you think she’d steal from us?” Ted tried again, glaring at Paul and Charlotte to get them to join him. “Melissa, just say something!” 

“Hey can we get a little bit of privacy?” Doug turned around, taking their hands off Melissa’s hips for a second. 

“Hey, I swear, if you guys do anything to her I’ll be fucking pissed. She’s a kid. She didn’t rob this place and you’re wasting time arresting her!” Ted started again. “The real thief is probably out having a field day while you’re here feeling up the fucking PA.” 

“We said privacy, Ted,” Sam elbowed him, clicking his fingers at Mr Davidson’s office. “You two, in there, Char, take your friend and go back to your office.” 

“Uh, I’m sorry, why this all of a sudden?” She rubbed her throat anxiously as she watched Paul and Charlotte hurry to oblige. 

“And now we sit back, and enjoy the show, right?” Sam snickered, shoving Rob. 

“Hey, dickheads. Go make yourselves useful and get me some coffee from the break room.” They shot a look to Rob to ask him to keep Sam busy. 

“Hey, I’m the chief around here,” Sam tried to play the power card but Rob just shipped him off to the break room. 

“Sorry, what’s going on? Am I- are you-? I feel kinda sick.” 

“I’m just going to have to search your skirt okay? It’s a little invasive but you’ll be fine if you don’t move. Spread your legs for me.” One hand nudged up against Melissa’s knee to guide her. 

“Oh!” She said, probably a little too loud. The prettiest person she had seen all day was going to put their hands up her skirt and that was what she was supposed to complain about? And that was quite a statement for her too considering she felt contractually obliged to anyone who was remotely kind to her.

“Now I’m doing this quickly,” they said as they patted their hands up Melissa’s thighs. “Because between you and me my chief is sort of a creep. I want to finish this before he gets back.”

“Oh Sam? Tell me about it. Hey, my name is Melissa by the way, and I really like your work ethic,” she began, trying to control the redness of her skin as Doug’s hands ran between the layers of her skirt. There was a lot on her mind right now, she wasn’t proud that all she could do was spill out her feelings for a cop she had spoken to for five seconds.

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Melissa. I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances,” Doug continued, fingertips pressing just lightly across her inner thigh. “You aren’t the usual type I see here. A little to sweet to be a criminal.  
Suspected criminal, that is.”

“Uh, I didn’t-!” She began, but she couldn’t finish that sentence. “I just work here, okay? I don’t- I didn’t-“

“Most people aren’t this chatty when they’re getting a pat down, thanks for making my job a little more exciting,” their hands came out from under Melissa’s skirt. “If you’re gonna commit anymore crimes today can you do me a favour and not get caught in this outfit? I’m not going to search you any higher so it’d be on me.”   
They spun Melissa around, snorting at the colour of her face. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” she gave a shaky nod. Wow. Doug was already on one knee, come to think of it, maybe she was a hopeless romantic because if they proposed right now she’d probably say yes. No questions asked. Something about being able to look at them just made her feel a little safer.

“Alright,” Doug’s hands flashed under her skirt again just to check the front of her legs, but the search was moving much faster now, Melissa just had to try not to laugh when Doug’s hands reached her stomach again. “You’ve got a knack for making my job difficult,” Doug gave a well meaning huff.

“Difficult?” She echoed.

“Interesting,” Doug corrected themself. “Most people don’t have this much fun with a frisk.”

“Sorry, should I be frownier?” She suggested. “Because I can, if you wanted me to.”

“No, no, you’re doing just fine,” they ran their hands down Melissa’s stomach, checking under her arms and smoothing their fingers over her sweater vest. “Alright, you’re in the clear. Great job Melissa.” 

“Oh, so am I not under arrest?” She tried to catch her breath. 

“Oh no, we still have to detain you and search your apartment. Is that okay?” They asked. 

“Oh sure,” she didn’t know if verbal consent counted but she knew search warrants were hard to get and boy had she heard enough complaining about paperwork in her lifetime, how could she put Doug through that. Then maybe they would see nothing was there, and they’d let her go. “My cat just doesn’t like strangers, and please be careful not to let her out.” 

“Of course. I’ll make that my number one priority,” Doug assured her and honestly she could’ve melted. 

Ugh. Okay. So maybe Melissa was being arrested, but man, if her rights were going to be read to her, read them slowly. She could listen to Doug’s voice all day.

“Aw, missed the best part,” Sam came back with only one coffee cup in his hands, which he was sipping at like he didn’t see the problem. 

“Sam, you’re a fucking creep,” Doug scowled, spinning Melissa back around to lock a pair of cuffs around her wrist. “Come give her her rights,” they added as they adjusted the cuffs around Melissa’s wrists, not too tight.

“Melissa, you’re under arrest for suspicion of burglary, you have the right to remain silent,” he paused to sip at his coffee obnoxiously loud. “Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law.” 

“Burglary? Really? I’m the suspect because I’ve got a key and none of my things went missing? If I was going to steal I’d make it less obvious!” She spat. “Sure, call me a criminal, but don’t call me a dumb criminal!” 

“Hey Melissa? Not helping your case,” Doug patted her shoulder. “Do you need to speak to anyone before we take you down to the station for questioning?”

“Uh, Paul?” She asked. “I need to get him to feed my cat.” 

“Okay, I’ll grab him for you.” 

“Nope. Too long. Just get Ted to pass on a message,” Sam opened the door to Mr Davidson’s office to let Ted out, and he rushed right over to Melissa, taking her arm to pull her away from Doug. 

“Really? You haven’t even tried to defend yourself?” He gestured to the cuffs on her wrists. “You went through a whole pat down without a word?”

“Hey, I’m touch starved! So sue me!” 

“Melissa! You’d rather have a criminal record than be a little bit touch starved?” His jaw dropped. “Are you dumb?”

“You don’t know my story,” she stuck her nose up at him. 

“Are you a dumbass though? You’d get arrested just to hold someone’s hand? Melissa, don’t tell me you actually robbed this place.” 

“I mean,” she felt her throat set up again. “I didn’t rob the place, uh, that wasn’t me, I just-“

“Wait,” he interrupted her. “You are looking incredibly hot and sweaty,” he added with a wince. “What’d they do to you?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Ted sighed, holding his hand to his forehead for a second, staring a hole into the ground. But then he looked up, clearing his throat. “Hey Officer?” He tilted his head to call Rob over. “Officer, Melissa isn’t guilty. She doesn’t even swear because she’s afraid her parents will find out. She literally doesn’t have the heart to commit a crime, even if she wanted.” 

“Well, we still have to take her down for confession. Just tell her not to be difficult.”  
Rob slapped a hand down on her back, and that made Ted grumble. 

“Melissa,” he clicked his tongue, taking in a deep breath. “Melissa, hey.” 

“Yeah?” 

He put his hands on either side of her head and brought her in so he could press his forehead up to hers and glare right into her eyes. “You don’t want a criminal record do you?” 

“No.”

“And you don’t want to spend the night in a holding cell away from your cat, do you?”

“No, I don’t.” 

“And you don’t want your parents to hear about this, do you?” He asked, more sternly but keeping his voice down like he was trying not to let Rob hear. Melissa twitched her head just slightly to say no again. “But you’ve gone and gotten a crush on that officer huh?” He let go of her head with a gruff scowl. “Melissa, they’re a cop! Nothing good is gonna come out of this! No offence, officer, just trying to slap some sense into her.” 

“Oh no, do go ahead,” Rob dipped his head, tipping his cap. 

“I’ll be back here after work to give you a ride back to the office. You better stop playing games after that,” he pointed a finger at her. 

“Hey Officer? Am I allowed to bring my peach ice tea down to the station?” She asked instead. 

He shook his head, raising an eyebrow. 

“Ugh, well that’s gonna ruin spring now! That’s my spring drink, I really wanted to have it!” 

“Alright. Times up.” Sam hopped off the table he was sitting on, strutting up to Melissa to grab her handcuffs. “We have to get down to the station. It’s questioning time.”

———————————————————

“Okay, I tried. I really did try, but Melissa’s being a bitch,” Sam huffed, crossing his arms. “She won’t speak, you wanna have a crack at it Doug? I think you might get something out of her if you push in the right place.”

“Hah.” They hadn’t expected that girl to cause so much trouble. “Sure.” Maybe she really was a criminal mastermind. “Push in what sort of places?” 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Go use your gay solidarity or something. That girl gets weak in the knees whenever someone even looks at her.” 

Doug lowered their shades. “Interesting.” 

“I don’t care what you have to do, just get her to cooperate,” Sam ordered, taking his shades off and tucking them into his leather jacket. “Hey Doug,” he dropped his voice down in the way he always did when he knew he was about to say something dumb. “I’m just saying, if all of a sudden you decide to do a strip search I won’t ask any questions,” he winked, and Doug’s response was to kick him in the shins. 

“Oh shut up, asshole. This is going to be a normal interrogation.” 

Sam laughed again as Doug turned to wall away. “Melissa’s in no rush to talk. Maybe she’ll reply to a different sort of sound, if you know what I’m talking about.” 

“What?” They turned back to him the conversation quiet. 

“Doug, I mean have some fun with the girl or something. She’s all yours until she cracks.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do,” they shot him a serious look. Maybe they had already decided to play the power card, but hearing it from Sam was kind of disgusting. 

Melissa was still chained to the table, one hand rubbing through her hair and one foot tapping against the floor. She was halfway through an anxious groan when she perked up at the sight of Doug. “Can I go yet?”

“Not yet, Melissa. Want to tell me why you gave the chief a hard time?” They pulled out a chair, turning it backwards so they could straddle it and lean over the head rest. 

Her cheeks were pink already. Sam wasn’t kidding. “I just don’t have anything to confess! I didn’t steal, I swear!”

She was sounding incredibly suspicious for someone in the clear. “Well lucky for you, because now you’re going to be stuck with me for the next few hours until we can get you speaking.” They slapped a manila file down on the table. “You don’t want to go to jail do you? So do a favour for me and behave.” They spread out the case papers on the table. “So will you?” 

She watched the girl go bright red, but she didn’t answer. “Why would I steal from work?”

“Well let’s see, you have the keys, you were the last one in and out of the office, nothing of yours has gone missing, and you had access to the security footage, I caught you at the crime scene this morning too.” Doug tapped a hand on the manila folder. 

“Oh, you remember that?” She began to rub her forehead with her fingertips, shielding her eyes. 

“How could I forget someone like you?” They joked. 

Melissa coughed, tucking her head into the crook of her arm. “Oh. Thank you, I think.”

“Tell me how someone could’ve gotten into the building last night Melissa? Without any signs of forced entry. Wouldn’t they need an unlocked door.”

She began a gurgle that turned into a groan.

“Sweetheart, look. It’s just petty theft, a little bit of burglary. I can make you a plea deal, confess and we’ll keep it to a fine and some community work.” 

“Well I didn’t do it,” she told them. “I didn’t steal. Promise.”

“Hey, Sometimes we need some extra cash. It happens. What do you think about this?” They slid a file over to Melissa, making sure their fingers brushed as they handed it over. 

She glanced at it before turning another shade of red. “Oh, you have access to this?” 

“Bank records. Yep. I’ve done a whole background check on you, Melissa. I know everything I need to know about you. And it seems you have a bit of a spending issue.” They tapped a nail on the paper. 

Her cuffed hand yanked back on instinct like she was trying to cover her face. “It’s hard to explain! Look, my parents cover half of my apartment, and I’m not really a big eater, I prefer to snack, and my friend works at this coffee place so I don’t even have to pay for most of my drinks, I have money to spend on things like this!” 

“You spend an awful lot of money on cat things and stuffed toys, for someone your age, Melissa.” They slipped the sheet back in. 

“I’m not a kid, you know! I just like my apartment to have an aesthetic, and I like my cat to be happy!”

“Look. You’ve certainly caused a lot of trouble for my squad for one day,” Doug laughed. It was almost a game to see how red they could make this girl. She’d break, confess soon. And the bonus was that Doug was sort of having fun with her too. She was cute. “We went to search your apartment this afternoon,” they began instead. “Two cats trees? You’re sure your parents are okay with that?” Doug drew their shades down just to look Melissa in the eye. 

“Uh, no, they weren’t. Can you make sure my parents don’t find out I’m in questioning, by the way?” 

“Hun, it’s between you and me,” they winked before flicking their shades back up. “Promise.” 

She lit up red again. “If you went to my apartment that means you saw there was nothing there, right? So I won’t go to jail?”

“Well it’s not that easy. You’re being fairly suspicious unfortunately. I can’t just let you off the hook.”

“Well you can only keep me for twenty four hours without evidence, right?” 

“Oh, you know your rights, I’m impressed, good girl,” Doug gave a sly grin. “You’re smart. Now tell me why you’d know that?”

Melissa cleared her throat. “I like crime documentaries.”

“Has nothing to do with the robbery this morning though?” Doug inquired.

“No! No, promise! You saw for yourself! I didn’t have any of the missing stuff in my apartment!” She tried to explain rather frantically.

“You’ve got some interesting things in your apartment though,” solid setup. “Your cat was quite sweet. I bet she was looking for you,” take her side. “You had lots of nice clothes, lots of nice dresses,” grab her attention. “I bet you look great in them,” go in for the kill. All while they just skimmed through the files again, not looking for anything in particular, just listening for her reaction.

“Do you think?” That seemed to get her. “Uh, thank you! Uh, I don’t get a chance to wear them often but now that it’s spring I might!” She explained with excitement, shifting around in her seat like she couldn’t find a comfortable way to sit. She was always pulling at her chain, it would’ve been annoying with any other criminal but with her it was sort of charming. 

“Oh you are chatty. And I thought my pat down was something special,” they teased. Before Melissa could react they leant across the table, grabbing the cuff on Melissa’s wrist to bring her in, relishing in how wide her eyes got and how quickly she began to breathe. “Listen, why don’t you do a big favour for me, hun?” 

She nodded, almost frantically, trying to keep an eye on the distance between them. 

“You confess and I’ll let you off easy,” they began, and Melissa looked like she was on the verge of breaking. “Otherwise you’ll be stuck here with me all night,” they took their shades off. 

Melissa’s mouth opened to speak, and Doug was so sure they’d get something from her until she spoke. “I didn’t do it.” She leaned back and pursed her lips shut, her arm crossing over her chest, the other arm tugging at her cuff. “I have nothing to say.”

“Huh, you wanna milk the twenty four hours or something? Why’re you being difficult?” They hadn’t been an officer for the longest time, but they knew a guilty person when they saw one. “Alright. Let’s try something different. What would you do with the extra money? If you had it.” 

“Uh, well I don’t have it. But I don’t know. Maybe something for my cat? Or a new laptop, or, or-“ she was fussing with her hair again. 

They kept their eyes on the files, listening instead. “If I had the money and I was you, I’d get you something nice,” they begun. “Another nice dress, maybe. I can think of a few that’d look quite nice on you.” It seemed to work like a charm, because she began to babble right away, not able to keep her mouth shut. “Did you do it?” They asked while her guard was down.

“Uh, I, uh, okay, uhm, just-“ 

Damn it. Almost there. She was cute when she was flustered though. 

“Is it hot in here? Or is it just me?” Melissa laughed, pulling at her collar. 

Doug glanced up. “Oh. You’re right. It is pretty hot in here.” They fiddled with one of the buttons on their uniform, just slipping out the top button. Their hand sliding over their skin.

Melissa’s head dropped for a second, breathing in a sharp breath. “It’s really hot in here. I think I’m going to freak out. I’m sorry, I need some fresh air or something.”

“You can take that vest off if you want. But I can’t let you go out unless you want another pat down.” 

Melissa’s only response was an incoherent, completely unintelligible squeak.

They could feel themself getting under Melissa’s collar, just bit by bit, her face was still flushed red now from when Doug caught them. She seemed like she flustered easily, and Doug had to use that to their advantage. That was their job as a cop right? Just to get the answers? No, it had nothing to do with the fact that this lady was really, really pretty. For sure.

———————————————————

“Hey Rob, c’mere!” Sam quickly called out when Rob made his way past his office. “Come watch the cams with me.” 

Rob leant over Sam’s shoulder, glancing at the security footage. “Should Doug be getting that close to the suspect?” He took his coffee cup away from his mouth midsip just in case he had to go intervene.

“Oh, Melissa? It’s fine. She didn’t actually rob the place,” Sam shrugged. 

“What?” Rob twisted around to look at him. “Then shouldn’t we get a squad out? We should let her go!” 

Sam held out an arm to stop Rob getting up. “Nah. I’ve already got a squad fingerprinting the place. I just think this might be fun for Doug. They’ve been pretty bored lately,” he paused, gesturing with his hand for the word. “Listen, I come to work and Doug complains about being single, I get home and my wife complains about Melissa complaining about being single. I’m kind of doing everyone a favour. I’m a saint,” he held his hands together in a mock prayer.

“You’re hooking them up?” Rob had to double check. 

“Look,” Sam pointed at the camera where Doug’s fingers were curling around the chains of Melissa’s cuffs to pull her closer. 

Rob raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t this gonna be kind of scary for her?” 

“I hardly think Doug’s traumatising her in there. Hey, between you and me I didn’t even start a record for her. Doug’s the good cop, they’re probably giving her the time of her life.” 

It seemed like it took Rob a second to process that. “Hah!” He smacked a hand down on Sam’s knee. 

He elbowed Rob back. “Hell, they probably both enjoyed that pat down. She’s almost begging to stay. I bet that’s why she isn’t defending herself.”

“So when are you gonna tell Doug?” Rob returned to sipping his coffee now that there was no threat. It was just another day of his boss not really wanting to do his job properly. 

“Oh, they’ll figure it out eventually. Once they get Melissa to cave. She must be pretty close now,” Sam spoke in a grumble-y laugh. “Should I go in there and try speed things along?” 

“Hey, you know what I‘d be saying right now if I was Melissa?” Rob was finally seeming to get the idea. 

“What?” 

“This is a pretty good start to spring,” he snickered, making Sam grab at his stomach so he wouldn’t laugh too loudly, knocking Rob with his shoulder to shut him up when he was the one laughing louder.

———————————————————

“I know you aren’t telling me something.” It was hard to overlook how much Melissa was squirming, and it wasn’t just her inability to sit still anymore. Doug had almost cracked her. 

“I’m being honest,” the crack in her voice betrayed that though. 

“Well, well. I sure hope you aren’t the one behind this, Melissa. It’d be a shame to have to send you to jail.” 

“I don’t wanna go to jail,” she repeated, starting to tap her foot again, glancing away whenever Doug leant in too close. 

“Well tell me the truth now or else we’ll have to mark you down for obstruction of justice too. And wouldn’t that be unfortunate?” Their fingers ran over the second button of their uniform, and Melissa noticed. 

“Is their air conditioning in here?” She stammered. “It’s just so hot.” 

“Do you need to take off that vest?” 

She nodded. “But I can’t,” she yanked at where her hand was chained to the table. 

“Need a hand getting undressed?” They were purposeful with their wording, because that was what broke Melissa. It had nothing to do with the fact perhaps they would like to give her a hand with that sometime. Any more though and Melissa looked like she was going to pass out. 

“Uh,” she began to fan her hands. She looked like she was going to pass out. “I don’t think I can do that. I’m kinda at my limit here,” she confessed, scratching at her neck. She was sweating bullets. “Uh!” Her intonation was cut short and her head seemed to roll back.

“Oh, hey!” They glanced up with shock. No wonder. She was hyperventilating. She probably was going to pass out. They leapt up from their seat to catch her by the waist just as her body tipped backwards and her eyes shut. 

They held her in one arm as they fished for the cuff keys in their pocket with the other, untying her so they could lay her down on the floor. “Hey Melissa, are you with me?” They eased her head safely up into their lap, waiting for her eyes to open.   
“You feeling alright there sweetheart?” 

When she came to she let out a groggy noise, one hand reaching up to her face and smacking into her eyes, not noticing her glasses had fallen off when she fainted. “Ouch!” 

“Hey, hey, do me a favour and just lay down,” they requested, grabbing her glasses from where they had fallen under the table and brushing her hair from her eyes, slipping them back onto her face. “Better?” 

She gave a tired nod, unable to hold back a smile as they looked up at Doug. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. Being arrested just makes me a little nervous. And I haven’t eaten yet today.” 

Doug smoothed their thumb over her jawbone. “Hey, I’m more worried about you.” 

She gulped, biting down hard on her lip. She started glancing away again. She moved to sit up but Doug placed a hand on her shoulders to ease her back down. “Just sit still. Just move your fingers and your toes a little bit. You have to let the blood flow back or you’ll just pass out again.”

“You’re smart.” Melissa obeyed, her fingers drawing shapes on the floor. “Thank you for helping me.”

“Hey. I’m sorry. You were stressed, I shouldn’t have been playing games with you,” they confessed.

“Oh, you- you were flirting with me?” She went pale all over again, freezing in Doug’s lap. 

They gave a slight nod. “Yeah, I wasn’t being very subtle about it either.”

Melissa’s eyes went wide, and she seemed to re-evaluate her position in Doug’s lap and let out a worried squawk. 

“Miss?” 

“I did it! I did it okay!” The words had been waiting right behind her closed lips, and she slapped her hands to her mouth right after as if to take them back. 

“What?” Wait. They knew Melissa was hiding something but surely she wasn’t actually the thief. They placed one hand on their radio but Melissa began to shake her head, some other incoherent babble spilling past her lips. She pulled herself onto her knees to sit up, clasping her head when it started to hurt but powering right through it. “I left the back door unlocked! There! I said it! I knew I was supposed to lock up properly but I didn’t and someone got in! I was just in my car and I forgot to lock it but I went ‘it’s fine!’ And I left but it wasn’t fine and it’s all my fault!” 

“Holy shit,” Doug smirked. “That’s it?” 

“So, is this my fault? Am I gonna go to jail for this!?” Her glasses were getting blurry with her tears. 

“Melissa,” they took in a deep breath. “The thief entered through the front door.”

“Huh?” Her shivering came to a halt almost immediately. “Front door?” She didn’t articulate it properly, weak from shock. 

“Yes, Melissa. I don’t think you leaving the back door unlocked had anything to do with it,” they leant a shoulder up against the wall, watching the poor girl crumble. “Hey. It’s okay. That’s between you and me alright? I won’t tell a soul about it.” 

“Oh my god, thank you officer!” She let her head smack down onto her palm to rest it as Doug spoke into their radio. 

“Alright. She’s clear, Sam. I’m coming out now. Can you get Rob to give her a hand getting home?” They left Melissa to depressurise, heading off to go make the report to Sam, who was at his desk now.   
“She’s innocent.”

“Yeah, Doug. The last horse crosses the finish line,” he grinned, leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head. 

“What? Why’d you make me interrogate her then?” They snapped, jaw dropping. “That girl is shaking!” 

“Hey relax, I was just getting you some!” He clapped his hands together with a triumphant, smug laugh. “She’s shaking for a totally different reason, Doug. Open your eyes!” 

“Getting me some? By making her pass out? A pat down never had and never will be considered a form of ‘getting some,’ Sam!” Just out of spite they knocked his pencil holder off his table and refused to clear it up.

“You’re just angry because I know you like her,” he had the biggest shit-eating grin they had ever seen. “Look, the lady of the hour.” He clicked his fingers so Doug would turn around to watch Rob come out with Melissa. 

“Shit. I’ve gotta go apologise to her,” Doug hurried off to get her before Rob could get to the door. “Rob, piss off. Give me a moment.” 

Rob held his hands up in defence before taking a step back. “I think they can have their PA back now. She’s pretty flustered,” he added as he went to go regroup with Sam. 

“Hey. Melissa. I’m so sorry you had to get caught up in today when you were innocent,” they took her hands in theirs. “I didn’t scare you, did I?”

Melissa took a moment before swinging her head side to side. “No. Thank you for doing your job properly,” her voice was still shaky.

“Yeah, just try not to leave any doors unlocked from here on out, huh?” They teased just to get one more squeak out of her. “I’ll make it up to you another day alright?” 

Melissa’s brain must’ve been fried, because Doug didn’t know if she was nodding or shaking her head, and they didn’t think Melissa knew either. “Oh. That’s very sweet. You don’t have to do that though! Unless you wanna, I mean, hang out. Maybe we could do this again another time?” 

“Huh?” 

“Well, I’ve done so many favours for you today the most you could do is take me to lunch,” she cleared her throat but it didn’t make her seem any more level headed. “Or dinner. Or brunch, or coffee, or... whatever.’

Doug took off their shades, hooking them to their collar. “My, my. And I took you for a pushover.” 

Melissa looked like she really wanted to retract that last request right now. “I mean, just maybe we could do this again some time?” 

“Do what again? Chain you up and pat you down? Well, that’s a lot better behind closed doors,” they winked, but they had to laugh to play it off because Melissa truly did look like she had reached her limit, she was completely red. “Hey. I’m kidding. Get yourself home safely okay?” 

Melissa nodded, placing a hand to the butterflies in her stomach. 

“But it’s a yes for that dinner okay? Wear that nice dress from your apartment, the purple one,” they added. “And take care of yourself, alright? Have a good night, Melissa,” they gave her one last pat on the shoulder before hopping off, leaving Melissa to get home on her own. 

God. What a long, long day. But there was one thing Melissa knew for sure. This was a really great start to spring.


End file.
